


Moon's Dance and Shadow

by TamChronin



Series: One Big Happy Disaster [4]
Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-11-17
Updated: 2003-08-26
Packaged: 2019-06-12 09:29:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15336918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TamChronin/pseuds/TamChronin
Summary: Mizuki Kaho leaves Tomoeda for England, leaving one forbidden love for another.There is no coincidence, only the inevitable.





	1. The Moon Through Cloudy Skies

It was a large mansion, old and dark in the rainy afternoon weather. The lush, green countryside surrounding the estate obviously thrived on the weather, but I was a little bit depressed by it. Tomoeda had rarely been so gloomy. England seemed to be an entirely new world from Japan, and I was still a touch off balance.

I smiled though as I stepped out of the taxi, and I could feel his smile echo mine from one of the windows. He stood in shadow and thought I was his light. I blinked back the sudden insight and paid the driver. My luggage was at the hotel still, I wasn't sure if I had the job yet. I simply pulled out my black umbrella and proceeded to the door.

It opened a moment before I would have knocked. I wasn't surprised, but I was surprised at what greeted me. It appeared to be a beautiful young girl with long brown hair, layered in front. I knew immediately that it wasn't human, or a girl. I didn't know what it was aside from made of magic. It behaved perfectly human though, so I bowed and smiled.

It smiled in return. "It's four-thirty, so you must be Kaho Mizuki, right?"

"Yes, I am."

"Follow me, the Master is waiting."

It politely took my umbrella and my coat, setting them at the coat rack by the door. I followed it through the dimly lit hallways, taking in the many bright decorations, paintings, and fine rugs. This was a home that had obviously seen many generations and been loved through them all. I smiled, already liking the place, and I hoped almost desperately that I'd get this job so I could spend more time in this place, even if it had been taken by the shadows as late. There was a warmth and happiness under the layer of gloom that would be so inviting to be a part of, even if just for work.

We entered a warm and comfortable looking study. As soon as we entered my guide suddenly became more animated and bounced over to a large red leather chair that was tall enough to hide its occupant. "Eriol, she's got  _beautiful_  hair! Can we keep her?"

A deep voice answered, sounding patiently amused. "We'll see, Ruby Moon. Thank you."

The creation, Ruby Moon, gestured to the couch that faced the high backed chair and gave me a huge smile before it left. I walked over slowly, sitting down gracefully, then turned to look at my prospective employer. The smile on my face became frozen, almost hiding my shock, but not quite.

There was a long silence while he gauged my response. I blinked a few times. I had been expecting an older man, probably the age of my last boyfriend's dad. I'm not sure why I thought of him when the age issue hit me, but that's exactly what I realized I had been expecting. Instead, I found a little boy, around 10 or 11 years old. I wondered how it was possible that the deep voice I had heard, had recognized from phone calls, would come from a child his age. I decided that it wasn't important. I could already tell there was much more going on here than the casual observer could see, so I just waited. I'd know when I needed to know, like all things.

"Hiira--Eriol Hiiragizawa?" I winced inwardly, reminding myself that this was England. Family name last.

He smiled and nodded. This was, indeed, my potential employer, no matter how young he appeared. "Don't worry, surname first is acceptable form here. It's just more formal."

I nodded, feeling better. "Beautiful work. Yours?" I smiled, inclining my head in the direction Ruby Moon had retreated.

"Yes, I'm very proud of her." The smile that met mine was gentle, proud, and much older than fit his face.

Ah. He referred to his creation as "her".

"Yes, and I suggest you do too if you want to avoid upsetting her."

I laughed. He was a mind reader. Of course. How many times had I surprised people the same way? I was delighted to be so surprised for once. "Do we have time? Could you tell me about her?"

"I've already concluded the interview. You have the job if you want it. So yes, we have time." His dark blue eyes danced with mirth, glittering behind his glasses.

I blinked. My smile faltered for a moment from surprise, but I recovered quickly. "Thank you," I said softly, then waited to hear what else he had to say.

"Years ago, when my parents died in a plane crash, I wished with all my heart that I wouldn't be left alone. The words and images of a spell came to me in that place where dreams and the waking world meet, and I ran to follow those instructions. Many things happened all at once, and I looked up to see Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun. They are technically my guardians, but they are also my friends."

"Fully sentient?" He nodded. "How old were you?"

He gave me a small, sad smile. "It was only a month until my twelfth birthday. I haven't aged since."

I tilted my head to the side, searching for the truth in his words. It was easy to see that he wasn't lying, but I also saw that he hadn't told me anything near what the full truth was. I just smiled and nodded. We had just met, and I knew that his secrets would be unraveled as I needed to know. Not a moment before.

That was a refreshing change.

"Ruby is almost human in the form you saw. She won't age or die though, so it's not quite a human form. She has control of her magic abilities in her human form, though she's stronger in her true form. I also, well, I made a mistake." He looked embarrassed, but smiled and shrugged. "I was too young to know anything about female anatomy, and I really wanted my new best friend to be a pretty girl, so that's why she's touchy about that subject. She's a boy, but she looks and acts like a girl."

"Will you be able to fix that? If that's what she wants that is."

"Eventually." He blushed.

I giggled.

 

At one point we were joined by a small creature that looked like a dark blue-gray kitten at first glance. It flew over to a bookshelf and grabbed a book before floating out again. As I looked closer I saw that it was a dark blue and had small wings. I had the impression that this was Spinel Sun, but I was soon distracted again by our conversation.

Some time later Ruby came in with a plate of sandwiches and tea. This time I offered her a seat and asked if she'd like to join us while we talked. I did it without thinking, but I was suddenly overwhelmed by feelings of gratitude from both of them. Ruby squealed with delight and hugged me for it. Eriol simply smiled, not really showing his emotions, but I could feel how happy that simple gesture had made him.

We just continued talking though. I'm not sure how long we actually talked, but I ended up falling asleep on the couch. What seemed like moments later Eriol was bending over me to wake me up.

"Your taxi is here. You'll want to sleep in your hotel room tonight, then I'll have a room set up here for you by tomorrow night. Is that okay?"

I nodded sleepily. It had been a strange day. I stood, trying to remember falling asleep and failing. We were talking, and then I was being woken up. "I'm sorry for falling asleep like this. It's been a long few days though."

"Don't worry, I understand." He walked me outside where the car waited, he politely held the door open for me, then gently grasped my hand and bent over it slightly, brushing my knuckles with his lips. The action made me feel slightly uncomfortable, but that was nothing to the shock that went through me on a more magical level. The direct contact of flesh upon flesh sent tingles through me and it felt as if the person touching me was not a little boy, but a much older man.

I lost track of the world, of everything around me, stunned by what I had felt. I shivered involuntarily, then sat quickly and withdrew into myself as the door closed between us. I looked up once to see those dark blue eyes pierce through me, looking deep into me, and I shivered to know what was behind them. What had I gotten myself into? The shadow I had felt in the house was him. Not the child-like Eriol who was just a few years older than me in reality, but part of him that was much older and darker.

And much more powerful than anything I had ever sensed before.

 

My mind ran non-stop the entire way back to the hotel, but I didn't hang on to any of those thoughts. They were too mixed and jumbled to do anything with yet. I rushed to the safety of my temporary haven, showering quickly and then forcing myself to slow as I dressed in the clothes I wore for meditation. I needed my mind to be clear, I needed to know what was going on. I needed to have some glimmer of what I was getting myself into.

The next time we see each other you will be in love with someone else, and so will I.

My words to Touya just a few nights ago.

Touya.

He loved me so sweetly. I could not clear my mind suddenly as I let myself feel his heartbreak one more time. I had loved him too, he had been so much more than other people. I just couldn't let myself fall in love with him. Yes, it was that simple. He was a student, I was a student teacher, and I just didn't let myself fall in love.

No, that's a lie.

I fell in love with him. I just didn't let myself act on it.

Much.

We held each other. We kissed. We admitted love under dark skies littered with enchanted stars.

And each moment we were together I knew it would end. So I told myself not to fall in love. Over and over again I told myself not to fall in love.

Now I could admit to myself, now that we were on two different islands separated by entire continents that I had fallen in love with that darkly beautiful boy. I felt so selfish for it, but in the end even I couldn't control my heart. I had realized too late that it was doomed, and this heartbreak was my reward.

I didn't want to think about how it compared to his. I had known we were doomed. He hadn't had a clue until I told him I was leaving. Which was worse?

At least he hadn't suffered like I had late at night the last few months. I had made sure he had been happy every moment we had been together until the end. I liked to think that it made up for my selfishness in being with him in the first place. Now I wasn't so sure.

I blinked back the tears I had been holding back for months. It was just a transition, a change, and I had to be able to carry on. In private I could be heartbroken, but tomorrow...tomorrow...

I fell asleep, wrapping my arms around the dream of tomorrow being the new beginning I needed.


	2. Shadowed Deep

I woke up feeling much better in the morning. There was still no sun, but there was hope. Destiny. I was here for destiny.

I went through my morning routine, centering my thoughts and calming myself for the day ahead. There would be no time for regrets. The past was now in the past, and the only thing for that was to move forward. I smiled for the mirror, seeing nothing but my usual cheer behind the make-up that hid any signs of last night's tears.

Reasons to smile: Number one is always that I'm alive! Number two, I'm on an adventure that will change everything. Number three, I have a job and I'll be going to a good school at the same time. Number four, I would be gaining new experiences and greater understanding of the world. Number five, I was getting out of cleaning the shrine while I was away from home.

That one got me to laugh. It had been a chore that I had resented when I was younger, and even though I actually enjoyed it now a part of me was overjoyed that I had that time free now. I pulled back my hair in a ponytail and then finished up packing.

Reason six to smile, I would be with Eriol.

Oh no, where had that thought come from? He was young enough to...young enough to...to what? Be one of my students? Younger than that, but also old enough to be Touya's father in a sense. And, also much older if his aura was any indication. That feeling, that presence behind him was much older than he was letting on.

I refused to let the memory of that make me go weak in the knees.

Of course, it was just as effective as my resolution not to fall in love with Touya.

 

The sun made a cameo appearance in the sky as I arrived at the place that would be my new home. It was there and then gone, just long enough for me to recognize that smiling face. Clouds reclaimed their starring roles in the gray sky though and I walked sedately up to the door. I traveled light, being a person of simple tastes, so I easily handled my own suitcase.

Again, the door was opened before I could knock. Ruby Moon smiled at me from the entrance, clearly happy to see me. It felt like coming home, no matter how strange this new home was. I simply knew I'd be spending many years here. It was one of many things I simply knew in life without knowing why I knew it.

Just like I knew that  _he_  was watching me again from the upstairs window.

As soon as he realized I was aware of him he was gone, only to reappear in another room. Fascinating. Would he teach me that trick?

He was behind me. "It comes in handy. I could teach it to you, yes. I think there will be a time when you'll need it."

I laughed. "Hello to you too! You have a very unique way of greeting guests, you know that?"

His smile was sweet and heartfelt, coming easily to his face. "I'm glad I didn't surprise you."

"Then why did you try to?"

He shook his head dismissively as we walked upstairs. "I didn't really. Sometimes I just don't think about it. I spend a lot of time here, away from normal people who don't understand me. I won't surprise my guardians by appearing at random, and it's more convenient at times, so I did it without thinking."

"If that's what you're used to, don't let me stop you." It would take getting used to, but my life was full of the unusual and unexpected already. This was just another aspect of that.

We finally stopped in front of a set of double doors. "I hope this will be acceptable," Ruby said with a twinkle in her eye as she proudly opened the doors.

Acceptable?

The room was huge and furnished with ornate antiques. There was even a small fireplace, though it didn't look like it had been used in generations. Everything was done in dark blue, white, and silver with a diorama of the night sky on the ceiling. A full moon was painted in exquisite detail so that it was visible from the canopy bed. I fell in love with the room instantly.

"It's amazing. I've never seen a room like this in my life."

Ruby Moon and Eriol exchanged a grin, pushing me into the room so they could show everything off. Everything in the room had a history, a story under layers of time. No, they didn't tell me every story as they acquainted me with my new room, but just touching anything told me the story of how everything in the room was at home here. It was all meant to be here, just like I was.

It was strangely exciting and just a bit frightening to contemplate.

 

The rest of the house was just as ornate and held a long history in every corner. There were extensive gardens and in a distant corner an archery range. That alone made me feel more at home already. I made a note to myself to ask my parents to send my bow next time I wrote home. Archery, like the morning chores, helped me to center myself and lose my thoughts in what I was doing.

"I'm glad you find my home so perfect."

Eriol was looking up at me with a warm and gentle expression, smiling as we walked slowly back to the house. Ruby had skipped ahead, leaving the two of us alone on the path under the trees.

"I never imagined staying at a place this nice. It's beautiful here."

"It's usually quiet too, so you'll be able to do a lot of studying while you have school."

I smiled at how old he sounded right then. It's like he was being fatherly toward me. It was an amusing thought until I looked at him and saw that he  _was_  being fatherly about it. So strange to see such a young boy look so old and protective.

"I'm sure I'll study very well here,  _ojiisan._ " With a teasing grin and a wink I started skipping off after Ruby Moon, acting like the child he had almost treated me as. Without looking I knew that he had stopped where he was out of shock, then he laughed and ran to catch up with me.

"Old man? Me?" He gaped when I nodded. "I'll show you old. I'll race you to the house!"

I nodded and picked up speed, running easily. I could hear him behind me for a time, his smaller legs no match for my longer stride. The thought came to my mind unbidden, what would Touya think to see me like this? I had always been the adult, the authority figure, even when we dated. I had been a lady for him and he had been a gentleman for me. Would he even recognize me right now? His youth had only shown in his selfishness and need when we talked, everything had been about him and his problems, and I had been happy to help him. No, that wasn't fair. I didn't open up to him. He had too much on his plate. I had been happy to keep my silence and my secrets, telling him only what he needed to know instead of all he wanted to know. His youth had actually shown in his ability to be sidetracked so easily. Eriol would not be like that.

I was so lost in my thoughts that when I felt a sudden burst of magic behind me I almost fell. Eriol was suddenly there, holding me in his arms awkwardly, protecting me from harm. I pulled away from his small embrace immediately, too aware of how much bigger I was than him. There was also the uncomfortable awareness that my skin tingled where he had held me.  _It's the strength of his magic,_  I told myself, pulling away from his intense aura. His magic was so strong that I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed this close to him. His magic...his magic...I suddenly remembered why I had stumbled in the first place.

"You...you were cheating! You were going to teleport to the house and beat me that way, and when I felt that I lost my concentration!"

He barely hid his amusement. "How could I be cheating when there were no rules?"

I pouted slightly, still feeling that strange skewed impression that he was somehow the adult and I was the child. "You weren't playing fair."

"Your legs are longer and you've had more practice running. Was that really fair?"

How had he turned the tables on me like that?

I sighed, starting down the path again, but my ankle gave way under my weight. Sprained. Eriol was there to keep me from falling again as tears of pain and frustration came to my eyes. Why hadn't I noticed the pain before I tried to walk? Was I really that distracted?

I sighed, then tried to laugh it off. "I don't suppose you could teach me to teleport in one easy lesson?"

He looked concerned as he took in the tears slipping down my face. He shook his head, so serious despite my attempt to introduce levity to the situation. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for you to get hurt."

I shook my head. "It was just an accident. I'll be fine I'm sure. Please don't look so sad." I quickly swiped away the tears as I moved to sit on the grass under a nearby tree. "I'll make my way back in a while, so please..." I broke off as I actually looked at my ankle. I had taken off my shoe as I was talking and I saw that it was already swelling. I sighed, but smiled again. "I'll be fine." It was going to be a painful walk back, but I was sure with some rest I'd manage to limp there without damaging it further.

"Ruby Moon, come here." His words were soft, but she was instantly at his side. "Please carry Miss Mizuki to the house. I need to tend to her ankle, it's sprained."

I started to protest, but a gathering of magical energy stopped me cold. Why was I so sensitive to magical currents? Why was I so susceptible to magical influence? I would not be in this position if I were not swayed by its power so easily.

The gathering magic heralded a change in Ruby Moon's form from the normal girl I had seen first to...something much more exotically beautiful. I blinked and missed the actual transformation, but she was suddenly standing before me with great black butterfly wings, long magenta hair, and bright eyes in a matching color. She was so cute in this form, but somehow held an aura of deadly seriousness that contrasted the doll-like appearance. As her arms slipped under my knees and shoulders she lifted me without effort and I felt awash in the pure moon magic that she was composed of.

_She's really a boy,_  I remembered Eriol saying. I frowned slightly, trying to shut out all the thoughts racing through my head. What was wrong with me? Why was I suddenly unable to control the direction of my thoughts? I had always been easily swayed by magic, but this was getting out of hand! I tried to erase all thought from my mind as I clung to Ruby Moon. She flew swiftly and surely, then walked into the sitting room and deposited me with care on the couch. She then smiled at me reassuringly. "Does it hurt too much? Is there anything I can do to help you?"

So helpful. So kind. So solicitous. I smiled in return as Eriol entered the room with an ice pack. "Thank you, I'll be fine. Thank you both."

My heart was pounding, my mind was racing, and I suddenly missed Touya with a great pang. There had been no confusion when I was with him. There was the gentle heartbreak in the background, knowing that I would have to leave him, but that had been the only conflict. I wished I had never left him.

But, that had been inevitable. Did this mean that my feelings now were no coincidence? What purpose was here?

The smell of mint and eucalyptus filled the air as Eriol rubbed an ointment over my swollen skin. I told myself this time that the tingles were from the numbing effect of the topical medicine and tried to pretend I did not feel a thing. The confining tightness of the bandage gave me another sensation to concentrate on, then the cool feel of the ice pack through the bandage. I was instructed to just lay back and allow myself to heal, then I was left alone with my thoughts.

And finally I felt like I could breathe.


	3. Shade of History

My ankle healed quickly. I ended up spending a lot of time with Spinel Sun during that time, reading and occasionally talking. He was very interesting to discuss literature with and he challenged the limits of my knowledge of English. I, in turn, pushed him to improve his Japanese. We became rather close as the other two spent time outdoors, playing in the sun that had appeared. I couldn't blame them a bit for taking advantage of the good weather.

After I was healed life fell into a routine quickly. The drive back and forth to the college in the morning; homework and studying on the way back and as soon as I returned; tutoring Eriol and Spinel in Japanese as a brush up to their already impressive understanding of the language until supper; teaching Ruby Moon the basics of the language and culture. Eriol said he had tried teaching her before, but it had fallen on deaf ears for the most part.

I found out quickly that he was wrong and that Ruby had just gotten bored with it quickly. She responded well to the right teaching techniques, but Eriol was too enamored of seeing her as his friend and fun butterfly girl to want to push her so hard. She was too intelligent and too impatient, so it took a special touch to keep her interested.

But, she had retained everything Eriol had tried to teach her with stunning clarity. His way of teaching was just so boring to her that she...discouraged the lessons.

Then, there were the weekends where nothing was scheduled at all. Two full days where I could catch up on schoolwork if I needed to, or do anything at all if I didn't. I almost felt guilty when I had free time because when I still lived at home there had always been something calling my attention, something that needed to be done since I was the only daughter at the shrine. There had been so many duties for me to fulfill.

Thinking of duties made me start wondering what my duty here truly was. I had a feeling, a very strong feeling, that language tutoring was the least of the puzzle pieces I had to figure out here. I also knew exactly where I had to turn to get the answers I craved.

"Eriol," I began one Saturday night. "Isn't it time you told me why I'm really here?"

His frown, the dark look in his eyes, and his suddenly stiff posture changed his appearance dramatically. His voice was deep and ominous as he spoke, telling me a story that seemed out of the blue at first. Naturally, the seeming randomness of his initial words told me that it was very relevant to my purpose here.

"Once upon a time, there lived a great magician. His father was English and his mother was Chinese, so he naturally settled in Japan when they both died. He lived in a spacious house in Tomoeda with two creatures. They were his guardians; one made of sun energy, the other of moon magic. While he spent time alone with his creations he became the most powerful mage in the world, though that was not his intent. He simply sought the power to take back what was his. His dead wife, who he was convinced was his one true love.

"Part of what he did while trying various ways to bring her back was that he created some extremely powerful magic items. They were sentient, like his guardians, and trapped in the form of cards to contain their potentially lethal power. He knew he could not destroy them any more than he could run out and murder innocents, so he made arrangements to have them carefully sealed until a worthy person came along to replace him as their master after he died. He also sealed his guardians with the cards right before he died so they would protect the cards from anyone unworthy.

"He occasionally traveled, but he spent most of his time in Tomoeda, and one day he visited the nearest shrine and had a vision of the future. He immediately began working on a bell imbued with moon magic for a purpose that only a daughter of that shrine, full of her own moon magic, could employ. And some day soon, that bell will become important in the final battle to determine who will finally have control over this man's legacy."

I knew the bell he meant. It had been entrusted to my family hundreds of years ago. It looked more like a crescent moon than like a bell, but the distinctive chime had always somehow called to me, whispering of things to come that could change--everything. It was my bell. It hadn't been entrusted to them, but given to them so that I could use it.

"You left a lot out of your story," I observed.

"Yes." He smiled at me this time.

I knew so many things he had left out. I knew that he had all the magic and all the memories of this dead sorcerer. I knew he felt responsible for the cards and their guardians even though he had never laid physical eyes on them.

I knew where the cards were and I gasped as the knowledge came to me. "Touya!"

I had told him so many times that there was no coincidence, only the inevitable. Never before had I felt more like a pawn on a giant chess board being moved by the will of some unseen puppet master. This time the thought didn't simply amuse me in an abstract manner. The puppet master in question was sitting in his usual red chair right in front of me.

"Yes, it seems that your ex-boyfriend's little sister will find the cards and release them in about a year. And you will be the one who can help her in her darkest hour to prevent the world from falling into a great disaster."

"That is why you brought me here?"

He blinked. He stared at me for a minute before he swallowed and looked away. "Yes, that is why I brought you here."

We let the lie hang in the air for a long time. Neither of us wanted to unlock that door, though I wasn't sure why I really didn't want to know. Just a feeling....

 

Time passed quickly because I kept myself busy. When my bow arrived home I made it a point to practice every weekend. To keep myself from losing my mind I meditated every morning and every night. Slowly I pulled out more of the story of why Eriol brought me here, but it took patience. He had many secrets to guard and was used to hiding things. He was also trying to hide something very big from me, though I had no idea what it could have been. I would know in time. I would know when I was meant to know, and not a moment before.

Too soon the leaves changed color, drifted to the ground, then were covered in a blanket of white. I did not give up my archery on the weekends, but I added ice skating on Sundays when the pond was frozen enough. I had never been skating outdoors before, and seeing the sky above me added to the experience in a way I couldn't explain. I found myself more lost than ever in what I was doing at the time while my mind drifted off to sort through everything I had taken in.

"If I had known you love skating so much I would have frozen the pond sooner," Eriol said one afternoon. I was in the process of removing my skates and hadn't noticed him join me outside.

I smiled at him, shaking my head. "All things in their own time. I didn't mind waiting until the ice was solid enough, and I won't mind when everything thaws. I'll just enjoy the time given to me and move on to other activities when it's time."

"Annoyingly wise  _and_  logical. What's the good in having magic if you don't use it when you get impatient?"

He was just teasing me, I could tell.

I brushed some hair out of my face absently, smiling at him and deciding to tease him back. "Don't you have better things to waste your magic on, little boy?"

He chuckled. "First you call me an old man, now you're calling me a little boy. Make up your mind some time, okay?"

"I will the moment both don't apply," I said with a wink.

We shared a laugh, then stood to walk back to the warmth inside. About half way there he took my hand and gave me a piercing stare. "You don't have to distance yourself from me so much you know."

I swallowed, wanting to pull my hand back and do exactly what he said I don't have to do. I left my hand where it was though, feeling the warmth of his small hand in mine. Yes, in addition to the warmth I felt that familiar tingle that came from physical contact with him and I could sense that other part of him that had been an ancient and powerful sorcerer. The stronger that feeling became, the more I wanted to pull away and just slip my hand into my solitary pocket.

"You know why I've been trying to distance myself, Eriol."

He looked so sad as he nodded, head bowed. "I can tell you all day that it doesn't apply to me, that I am far older than you even in this lifetime alone, but you'll have to accept that for yourself."

"It's easy to accept in some ways, but it's too hard to accept in others. Touya was much younger than me, and I'm terrified that it will be a sick pattern. I thought he was special because he was so mature, and even that tore me up inside."

We walked the rest of the way in silence, but I did not take my hand back.

 

That night the winter wind howled like some injured beast, chilling my soul and breaking into my meditation. My sleep was fitful and restless and it took forever for me to reach a place where I could dream. And that dream, the one it took me so long to get to, was the first time I saw  _him._

In the dream I was at home, standing near the moon pond. I wondered at my future since I hadn't been able to check in so long, but there was no moon in the sky so I could not search the calm water for answers.

The voice behind me explained, "My dear, you are the moon and the answers you seek are within."

"Of course, they always are, but a mirror shows you a point of view you never had before." I smiled, turning around to see who was there This felt like a dream conversation, but at the same time it didn't. They were my symbols, but the voice that had spoken said something that had not come from within me even though they had a dream quality. "Who are you?"

He sighed, stepping into view and sitting on a conveniently nearby bench. He was...he was beautiful. His long hair was pulled back, but midnight strands still fell into his face. He was tall, about the same height as Touya, and he had the same angular look to his face. I could not tell his build from the voluminous robes he wore, but he very much appeared to be in good shape. Glasses perched on his nose, almost shielding the world from the intensity of his gaze. And then he smiled, further softening the intensity I had seen on his face at first. "In life I was known as Clow Reed."

The name should have meant something to me, but the nature of the dream was such that I could not remember why. Something to do with something my grandfather had said when I was little. I shrugged. "So, you are a ghost?"

"No." His smile grew larger, but he would not elaborate.

"Why are you in my dream?"

"I wanted to meet you, and I wanted you to meet me. I also want to apologize. I am the puppet master you keep thinking of. Eriol is--"

I cut him off, leaning close and brushing my fingers over his lips. I had realized why that name meant something to me. "Eriol is you. I don't know yet to what degree, but if you think I couldn't put that together you've been around too many people with no awareness of magic at all."

"He is half of my reincarnation. He is me, and yet he isn't. It is lonely for him, and I'm afraid I've done him a great disservice by intruding on his life so fully, but it was necessary."

I nodded, sitting next to him without a thought of how strange it was to be so comfortable with him. "Sometimes necessity can drive us to do things that others can't understand."

I was thinking of my relationship with Touya when I said that. Necessity had driven us together just as much as it had driven us apart. He knew my thoughts, just as I knew his thoughts had turned to me when I said those words. But...why me? Why when we're talking about the world not being able to understand doing what is necessary.

His lips pressed down upon mine and I understood it was not about necessity, but just that the world does not always understand the full truth.


	4. Reflected In Your Eyes

Winter passed in the blink of an eye. I kept myself busy all day and...found myself spending the day wishing for the night. I was shocked when I realized it, but it was true. Every night my dreams were invaded by Clow Reed, and every night we got to know each other better. I was falling in love with a dead man.

And I was sure he was falling in love with me as well.

Still, every time I looked at Eriol I saw a child. He didn't age at all, telling of the truthfulness of his claim that he was stuck at this age for the time being, but I couldn't see him for his true age. No matter how much I knew of magic, no matter how exposed I was to even more powerful magic here, I could not wrap my mind around the concept. Or, maybe it was my heart that could not accept the truth. I could not touch him without feeling like I was doing something terribly wrong.

So it was those dreams every night that gave me some outlet for my conflicted emotions. Soon even my waking hours felt like a dream, or like my life between dreams was somehow less real. I was walking around in that trance state as the world was showing signs of melting from winter to spring when I realized it.

"Touya has found his love."

I smiled, even as a solitary tear escaped one eye. I hurriedly brushed it away as I realized there were eyes upon me. I had thought I was alone. Ruby Moon stood behind me in her false form, looking concerned.

"You've been replaced so soon? Men can be so fickle."

I shook my head. "No, that's not how it is. It's not soon, and he's not in love yet. But, by the time I can return there will be no turning back, so I'm a little sad that I've lost him. I'm also very happy for him though because he can find his true happiness now."

"Isn't it very confusing to feel so happy and sad at the same time?"

"Maybe a little bit. Sometimes conflicting emotions can't be avoided though, then you have to find peace within yourself to resolve them."

She frowned, but nodded.

"Have you considered a different name for your false form?" I wanted to change the subject away from something so personal, and that's all that came to me. "Ruby Moon is an unusual name, and very fitting of your true form, but maybe your false form should have a false name to go with it."

"I have thought about it actually. I'm still making up my mind." Then she had this wicked smile on her face that made me shiver. "Interesting time for a subject change though. Tell me more about this Touya who has found the one he'll love."

Why didn't I want to tell her? I frowned, but couldn't find a reason to not tell her. "What do you want to know about him?"

"Did he love you as much as you loved him? Did he treat you well?"

"Yes, and yes. He was a perfect gentleman and he would have done anything for me, anything at all." Saying those words increased my regret, but they were true. He was wonderful. I didn't quite understand why fate had pushed us together and then driven us apart like that. I would have been happy in his arms forever, but I had known from the start that he would love someone more and I was just a passing fancy for him. It felt like a knife was sliding slowly into my heart as the thoughts passed through my mind.

"So, he was devastated when you had to leave."

"I suppose he was." Another thing I had tried not to think about. He would have been shocked at my sudden announcement. Did he lock himself in his room and cry where the world could not see? Would he ever forgive me? No, that was a silly question. I had already seen that future, that we could be friends. But, he would also be forever changed by the way I had left him.

"So, he's a tall, dark, and handsome tragic figure now?"

"Actually, he was before we met. His mother died when he was young and--there were a few things I was able to help him work past." She had a dreamy look now, but there was still some warning in the air that held me back from saying too much.

"Do you regret leaving him to come here? Don't you wish you could ignore the stirrings of fate and simply live your life?"

I didn't answer. Not verbally. I'm sure my body language was full of my regret and conflict. Finally I said, "You can fight fate, it's easy, but there are always consequences." I turned away, realizing that the only way to end this conversation was to end it. She would not be distracted. But...why this topic of all topics? It didn't make sense.

 

The winter gathered one last effort after that, then spring burst upon the world. There were plenty of rain storms, but there were also days when the moist air was full of a feeling of anticipation of things to come. I often wandered in a dream world, going about my routine in a daze as I waited for...something. It was the middle of April when things suddenly changed. I was missing the blossoms of home, dripping off the trees like pink snow and filling the air with the sweetest of scents. School would just be starting there. I was getting ready for semester finals here...only a month to go.

There, in my dream, Clow Reed stood again. "It's almost time. I don't know when I'll see you like this again."

"What? Why not?"

"You'll see. Tomorrow. Tonight I'd like to just be with you."

He was so serious, almost sad. My own sense of precognition was uncommonly silent and a trickle of fear started its way down my neck. Things were coming to a head, and I wasn't prepared. "Clow, what's happening? What--"

He cut me off with a kiss and I went breathless. The moment our lips touched I felt a difference in the usual intensity and urgency. It was as if electricity flowed between us as he held me close, and gently his lips parted against mine and I welcomed the touch of his tongue against my own. I quivered at the soft touch, melting again as our tongues danced against each other with growing passion. He was holding me so close, his hands pressing me ever closer while traveling over my back and settling in my hair and at the small of my back. My own hands were clutching handfuls of the fabric of his robes.

His mouth pulled away from mine finally and we gasped for breath against each other. "Kaho," he whispered breathlessly into my ear, conveying a rainbow of wanting and passion and love and need with just my name. He then rained kisses along my cheek, down my neck, nipping occasionally while I felt fire spreading through my body from each spot of contact. My hands were now entwined in his hair, pulling it free so my fingers could entwine in the silken strands. I was fascinated with the feel of it, the soft texture and delicate strength of those fine fibers as they shifted between my fingertips.

And his mouth traveled further down until he was sliding fabric out of his way.

I gasped, wanting this so strongly I was terrified. Some thought was trying to pull my attention away from the onslaught of sensation that had me overwhelmed. One of his hands was still clutching my hair between my shoulder blades, but the other...the other...his other hand traveled over me, dangerously close to some of the most sensitive spots of my body before moving on to another area...

All I could do was tilt my head back and let him explore, wanting more. I was on fire, aching for more as his fingers trailed electric fire across my skin. I tingled. I burned. I encouraged him with a low moan and heard him chuckle in response. The wandering hand was pulling aside my top, undoing my bra, the cool air inciting a shiver that was too real...it was all too real....

That was the feeling that was tickling the back of my mind. The dream was too vivid, too real, and I would not act like this in real life. Not knowing who he was outside of the dream world. I sat up suddenly in bed, gasping at finding myself violently awake.

He was standing beside my bed. Eriol. He wore robes reminiscent of Clow's, but not quite the same. He was towered over by the sun staff I had seen Clow wield in my dreams on occasion. He gazed upon me with those piercing eyes, too knowing, too serious for that face. The heat of my blush radiated from my face as I clutched the quilt to cover myself completely. Nothing had been disturbed, my nightgown was still in place and covered more than enough, but I felt the need to be covered even more. I felt naked under his gaze.

"Get out." My voice was little more than a whisper, a helpless little sound that told more of how I felt than even my redundant attempt of covering myself.

He winced. He drew back. He bowed his head, then backed out of the room silently.

As the door closed behind him I dissolved into tears.

 

Morning dawned clear and bright after my night of restless attempts to get back to sleep. As soon as dawn broke I was out of bed and sorting things to be packed. I couldn't stay here. I couldn't face him again. I couldn't deal with what I was feeling. The conflict was too much. By the usual time for breakfast rolled around I was packed and only had to make arrangements.

When I entered the kitchen I noticed I was alone. That had never happened before. I had been too conflicted within myself to attempt to sense the others, but their absence drove me to try. Immediately I realized that I was being blocked by Eriol, but it was so weak...each of their energy patterns was terribly weak....

It was frighteningly easy to break Eriol's block against me. I ran to him, for the first time entering his bedroom. I didn't bother to look around, all I noticed was how dark the room was. He was in bed, but looked like he was just waking up. He had never looked so weak, his aura was washed out and pale.

My heart raced as I hurried to his side. "What's wrong? What happened?"

He blinked slowly. "Nothing that wasn't expected." He smiled reassuringly, but it was such a small, weak smile that I worried all the more.

"Eriol, please tell me." It was more of a command than a request. I was scared out of my wits and overcome with my concern.

"She released the seal on the cards and...scattered them. They were all active at the same time. Most are dormant now, but it took a lot out of me."

"That's what he--no, that's what  _you_  meant in my dream. You won't have the strength to do that again for a long time."

He nodded slowly, looking away. "I'll be fine, really. I'll just be weak for a while. I'll regain my strength now that they're not all active or being used."

"What about your guardians? How are they?"

His eyes met mine again. There was a hint of a smile there and some warmth that stirred my heart. "Spinel Sun will be fine. He can pull his energy from the sun and doesn't depend on me. Ruby Moon though," he broke off, thoughtful. "She'll have a harder time. Her energy comes from me directly. When the cards are used, and when they become active, they will draw on my energy too because they are Clow's cards and took their energy from him. Now they'll take their energy from me. It's nothing I can't handle, but I'm supporting all the cards, plus Ruby Moon and Yue...Clow's moon guardian. It's very difficult, very tiring. Expected, but still very hard. Please, don't breathe a word of this to anyone."

I nodded solemnly. "I'll just go fix breakfast. Rest. I'll bring Ruby breakfast also."

After breakfast I did dishes, then unpacked. I couldn't leave. Not now.


	5. Dark Side of the Moon

Some days were better than others. Eriol regained his strength quickly at first. Then a few weeks, or sometimes a few days would pass, and he would pause, wavering, and smile nostalgically. He would mention a card's name and sometimes laugh, or sometimes frown.

Some cards were worse on him than others. When the Time card was captured he passed out and was in bed for an entire day. I felt something strange in the air that day, a sense of déjà vu. He had to explain that the card had been recycling the day in Tomoeda and it was powerful enough that anyone with magic would feel ripples from it, though not necessarily know why. I was glad I wasn't at home, experiencing the same day over and over. Maybe if things were better, happier, but not like this. I spent too much time worried.

Then, every time the Time card was used after, he knew it. He felt weakened, drained, even though the card was no longer pulling against only his own magic. And each card that was captured was an additional drain on him, even though they could feed off their user also. Well, it was more complex than that, but the essence was that each card fed off of him, pulling more when they were active or just awake, then they fed a little off of whoever possessed the card, especially when they were activated, until the Final Judgment.

He would only get weaker and weaker until then, and after that all ties to the cards would be totally severed. They wouldn't be  _able_  to take his energy. Or any energy at all.

I frowned at his explanation as he lay in bed, imagining what it would be like for him when this judgment would take place. The way he described it, there would be a lot of magic being flung around, and that magic would come from the cards, or from Yue who also drew upon Eriol's magic without knowing it. Well, not exactly.

"So, this Yue is also draining you. And the cards. And Ruby Moon."

"Yes. It's rather difficult at times, but when the cards aren't being used or exerting their influence on their own the drain is a mere trickle. I'm more worried about when the cards are no longer pulling against my power."

"Why is that?"

The frown on his face was heartbreaking. "Because they could die."

What a funny way of looking at it. Cards, dying. It was strange, and I would have found it humorous if he hadn't obviously been serious and heartbroken at the thought. "I'm sure it will be okay. Your prior incarnation spent a lot of effort in making sure that things would work out, so I'm sure they will."

"There are too many things that weren't foreseen. It's all up to Sakura at that point, no matter how hard I try to make her do what needs to be done. Genuine intent and need must be met. She's so gentle that she might not have what it takes to control the cards as well as create them in her own image and--"

"Eriol, there's nothing that can be done about it right now. Right now you need to rest. Don't waste your energy on worrying."

He nodded, slumping into his pillows.

And that is how nearly half a year passed.

 

She was staring off into the distance, looking uncharacteristically lost. Summer was dying, fading away too rapidly and autumn was claiming the leaves with its golden grip. She stared over the pond I had skated upon just this past winter with such abandon, watching the restless movement of the ducks before they decided to move on. I knew that back home everything would still be green despite the cooling air, but here the trees were starting to wear their dormant colors.

"Nakuru," I called softly. Ruby Moon had chosen that name for her false form, and it had fit her in her more enthusiastic days.

"Kaho-sensei," she said with a nod, inviting me to join her. "Welcome to my autumn."

I thought--no, I hoped--that she was trying to be cute. "You can't own an autumn."

She gave me a funny look, acknowledging the humor of what I said, but clearly not appreciating it. "That's not what I meant, and I think you know it. I'm so tired all the time. I want to curl up and sleep, except when I'm so hungry that I want to do both. I wasn't made to get hungry, but I am. I love to eat, but hunger? It doesn't make sense, and it doesn't help. So, I mean, this is my autumn. And when the Final Judgment of the cards comes, it will be my winter."

"Eriol would never let that happen," I assured her. "I know you're both tired, but he has the strength to sustain you through this. It gets uncomfortable, but that will pass."

"You sound so sure. Tell me, teacher, if he miscalculated at any point, what is to stop him from simply letting me fade away, drift into nothingness, and then create another me? Or one he likes better since he was so young and inexperienced when he made me. Maybe, now that he has  _all_  of Clow's memories and not just flashes like he did before he made us, maybe now he'll want me to be more like his lost Yue. Maybe he'll want a lover instead of a best friend. And letting me slip into nothingness now will give him the excuse he needs to have what he really wants."

I felt faintly sick. Clow and Yue? Lovers? Why did that thought bother me so much? Sure, there was a touch of jealousy there, but I knew that it was irrational. It was  _not_  homophobia...that was a concept that had never been an issue.

Finally it hit me. Clow had taken advantage of his creation. Had used Yue to satisfy his base lust. It sickened me to think of him like that, but there it was. And Eriol had been the bigger person and created a humanoid mood guardian that would not be used like that.

But, I couldn't be seeing the whole picture. There had to be more to the story. I was confused, but I did not see anything about Clow or Eriol doing something so horrific. I needed time. I needed distance. I needed to think about this somewhere that I was not facing this every day.

I was so lost in this train of thoughts that I missed Nakuru transforming into her true form of Ruby Moon. I only realized it when I heard her speak again. "I don't want to die. I want to live and fall in love. I want someone for me like Touya was for you, and I wouldn't give him up for any master who would let me fade away and replace me."

What was going on? Ruby Moon was suddenly standing closer, looking me in the eye, looking somehow hungry. She began hovering, putting herself above me, and her eyes gleamed with power. I was a rabbit caught in the headlights of an oncoming car, unable to do more than stare, unblinking, as she drew closer. A thrill of fear shot through me, but it was a little fear that somehow made me alive at the same time. Her arms wrapped around me, pulling me closer and closer.

I was falling. I was out of control. I was scared, but I was somehow thrilled in a way I never had been before. I wondered if this was why people went to see scary movies. A little fear that you somehow knew wasn't anything to be afraid of. I knew I'd be safe. I was scared, but I was safe. It would be okay.

I felt the magic stirring around us, pulling at me and charging the air. "You're so delicious, your energy is delectable. I'm so hungry, and you're so tasty, I just want a bit, just a taste, some energy to sustain me through this..."

This wasn't the happy girl I had known before, this was a being that knew no natural gender, and this being was pressing lips against my own, tasting me physically as well as tasting my magical energy. That is when I felt the pulling of my essence from me, drawing away my awareness and draining my vitality. I wanted to fight, but just couldn't dream of it. The thrill had left, replaced by a panic deep within. How would this be all right? How was this safe? I was being robbed and violated while part of me actually enjoyed it. I couldn't even cry as my eyelids drooped downward.

"Stop!"

I was a discarded rag doll, barely aware of what was happening around me. I still had my magic, though it had been drained nearly totally. I would recover. I gasped for breath, trying to stand but barely able to sit. Finally I gave up, laying on the ground and trying to make sense of the words being said around me.

It was no use. I had a headache building behind my eyes and at the base of my skull that drove sense from me. I was nauseous. I could only comprehend that Eriol was yelling at Ruby Moon, and then there was silence. No sound of retreating footfalls or anything, just silence. I rolled over to look at them and there they stood, larger than life, towering over my prone form with concern written on their faces. Suddenly the form of Ruby Moon was replaced with Nakuru and tears were in those little girl eyes.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just couldn't stop myself. It won't happen again."

No, of course it wouldn't. She had stolen enough of my magic to make it through any hard times with energy to spare. I looked into her eyes and found no hint of understanding there for what she had done, only a sorrow that things had gone wrong and I had almost gotten hurt. She didn't look so sweet in her innocence anymore, like a kitten who was playing with a mouse and didn't realize it could kill the defenseless toy. I shuddered, trying to pull away. I still didn't have the energy quite, but enough of the horror I felt reflected on my face that Eriol understood.

"You should go," he said gently to his creation. He didn't wait, but scooped me up in his arms and held me. He was apologizing over and over, blaming himself for not teaching Ruby Moon the ethics to prevent such a horrible thing. I didn't want to hear that. Eriol was the one who had just saved me, had been my knight in shining armor when I needed it most.

I stopped his apologies by crossing his lips with a finger. "It doesn't matter, I just want to go home." And then, as thanks for saving me and to remove any sting from my request, I leaned in and kissed him. My own action caught me by surprise, but it felt like the right thing to do.

"Please, when you get there, help Sakura. Help them all." He smiled, even as he murmured the words that released me from this place.

I held him in my arms, holding him close as if I didn't want to let go, but the time came. I let go, standing with my returning strength, and I didn't look back. Less than twenty four hours later I was on the plane returning home to Tomoeda.


	6. The Return

I've noticed that in life we seek out those things that will balance us. We're drawn to our missing halves, those things that make us feel complete. It isn't a hard and fast rule of who will end up with who, but I found it fascinating to look at couples and see in what ways they complemented each other.

It was obvious to me that Sakura had a crush on the boy that was helping us clean. I was happily accepting their company and their help, but I was also observing them. They didn't strike me as the type to be exactly drawn to each other, but Sakura couldn't keep her eyes off of him. Then again, she was looking at me the same way, which I found rather amusing.

There was more to this than the eye could see.

I had recovered mostly from having my magic drained, but I was still being very conservative about using it. The blinding headaches had subsided for the most part, but after last night I'd woken up feeling more drained than I should have. Thus, I was extremely grateful for the help this morning.

Stop procrastinating, Kaho. I shook my head and looked, really looked at the boy, who was helping this morning. Sakura had called out his name, Yukito. Indeed, he was different. Like Ruby Moon--no, like Nakuru. The false form.

Is this...is this...Could this be Yue?

It must be.

I wished suddenly that I had asked more questions. I wanted to know more of the story. Yukito and Sakura seemed very similar in so many ways that it made me wonder if Yue was different. Did he complete her?

My mind wandered as we worked our way further and further inward, sweeping. I just couldn't see this Yukito as being the one who would complete Sakura. Not the way she was now. So, what about Yue? Would they fill in the missing spaces in each other? What was his personality like?

The more I thought about it, the more I was sure that Sakura would find someone else. Yukito did not look at Sakura with the same love, but...he looked at her as I imagine I would have looked at her if Touya and I had still been together. A family love, but not one that had grown up together.

And she looked at us both with that happy, silly smile that spoke of girlish crushes and warm fuzzy feelings.

It must be the moon influence. The magic. I smiled, realizing that she was just discovering this pull, and would learn soon why she felt it. She would never be as suspicious of it as her friend, Li-kun, but she'd still learn not to mistake the feeling for love.

"Can I toss this out over there?"

"Yes, thank you," I replied, pulled out of my reverie.

Sakura was glowing with delight again, since our voices had brought her out of her own thoughts. It was so adorable to see. "I'm glad I woke up early," she said with a smile. Then she paused, looking thoughtful. I wondered what she was thinking of with such a serious expression. It didn't seem like her.

Then she noticed I was watching her and blushed, smiling again.

Yes, it must be the moon energy, the magic that makes her smile as if everything was right in the world.

I looked over at Yukito again. It just didn't seem like he would fit with Sakura.  _He would complete Touya much more than Sakura._

He would?

I wondered where that thought came from. It seemed strange to me to be thinking that way. Yet, thinking again of balance made me think that maybe...just maybe...maybe I had been right. About Touya falling in love. I didn't want to jump to any conclusions, but this was worth further observation.

Did Touya know about Yukito-san and Yue-san?

Oh yes, further observation indeed.

As we finished up I wondered what, if anything, I should say to Sakura.

 

In the end I didn't say a word. What could I tell her? Some things just need to be found out in their own time, and I wasn't sure she was ready for something like that. It wasn't my place to say something anyway.

I stared up at the full, rising moon that night as I finished the evening chores. I felt my own energy being renewed as the moon reached apex, and I realized that I was nearly whole again. Just a minor drain of energy. Nothing permanent, nothing damaging, nothing to worry about.

I finally let my awareness spread out again freely. The air was charged with energy and I felt something, a certain expectation, hanging around me. No, it was the tree. Another card lurking here?

I smiled, wondering what this one would do. Tendrils of energy snaked out, pulling me back, back, back....

I didn't fight. I could feel that I was safe, this card meant no harm, it was only showing its power so the Card Captor herself would come. It pulled me to another time, a time it was familiar with and would mean something to it.

I found myself standing in the private library of an old home. It was lit by candles and magic, leading me to think that it must have been a long time ago indeed.

"What sweeps you ashore on the sands of time at my humble abode, young lady?"

The voice was amused, soft, teasing, familiar--

I whirled around, wondering how it could be possible.

Was it really? Him? Could it be?

I bowed low, trying to hide my shock. "Watashi wa Mizuki Kaho desu," I said automatically before realizing he had spoken to me in English. "I mean, that is to say, I am--"

"Oh, I understood you. I'm afraid I'm only barely learning Japanese right now, but I understood your introduction well enough. My name is--"

"Clow Reed," I interjected.

An eyebrow quirked and his smile grew. "You have heard of me? Or, perhaps in the future you have met me?"

"Yes, and no," I said, confused about how to explain something like that.

"You have been brought here by the power of one of my own cards, from the future, so I imagine the explanation is a bit complex. I, myself, have just finished the Return card. It takes a great deal of magical energy, so you must have a purpose for being here."

I blushed. "No, not really. I think it's safe to say I am here by accident."

He said something that could have been, "fortuitous accident," but his voice was low and his smile didn't reveal a thing. "It's a very powerful card to have been used by accident. Would you care to fill me in on the details?"

"Wouldn't that cause a paradox or something?"

He smiled gently. "Miss Mizuki, when you have visions they don't cause a paradox even though they tell you of events in the future, right?"

I almost asked how he knew I had visions. Almost.

Then I laughed at myself for that. Of course he would know. He'd be able to tell.

"Yes, this is true. Though, not all visions of the future come to pass the way you think they will."

"Exactly. If you tell me things that are meant to be, I was meant to know. There is no coincidence in this world, only the inevitable. I'm either meant to know, or I won't know. It's that simple."

"I'm not sure where to begin. I'm from a long time in the future, and the cards have gotten free. A little girl is working to bring them back under control, but--"

"Ah yes, Sakura."

"You know her?"

"I have visions of my own, Miss Mizuki."

"Then how much do you already know?"

His smile grew, becoming the smile I was already familiar with. He began filling me in on things I already knew, then on things I didn't, and I told him my own story. It was hesitant and slow at first, but in the end I remembered how close we had become in the landscape of my dreams and I wound up telling him everything.

Including those dreams.

His smile finally became sad, wistful. "Maybe there are some things about the future I should not know, but I am glad you told me. So, let me tell you one more thing. When I see you, I see the image of the wife I once loved more than anything else in the world. It was to bring her back that I started making the cards."

I felt a chill. "So, you--"

"I think, if I did not love another right now, that I would do everything I could to keep you here."

So, Eriol wanted to meet me...because of this? Because I was the image of Clow's dead wife?

"Maybe...."

"Maybe the reincarnation of myself wanted to meet you more because I have met you now."

I smiled, realizing that he could easily have read my thoughts there. "I think I may be falling in love with him."

"Then fall in love with him, not me."

I nodded.

"I should release you now, to return you to your home."

"That might be a good idea," I agreed softly, but without much feeling.

He walked over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder gently. "I don't want you to leave either, but the longer you stay the harder it will be. I look forward to meeting you in my next incarnation, but it could not be now."

He was a true gentleman.

He gently took my hand, bending over to grace that hand with a soft kiss, and suddenly I was standing at home again under the bright light of the full moon.

I wondered how long I would be wearing this smile.


	7. The Past Is Gone

Terada Yoshiyuki was staring out the window as we held the meeting. Winter had its clutches on the trees and temperature of Tomoeda, even though there was no snow. One winter of England's snows had spoiled me and I followed his gaze outside as I wished for that snow. Students were gathered outside in their winter coats in weather that didn't seem as bracing anymore and I just smiled as I thought of what my last winter had been like. I'd expected to be there for this winter too, but events hadn't unfolded that way.

"What about an ice skating trip? It would be a unique experience for many of the students, and it could be part of their physical education grade."

I jumped, realizing that while my fellow teacher had been listening while his gaze strayed, I hadn't. They had been discussing where the next field trip should be held, I remembered that much, but since I was only the substitute math teacher my opinion was not sought in this matter.

A familiar tingle in the back of my mind suggested to me that this one suggestion was not a simple idea to be thrown out with the rest. It was part of the puzzle of the inevitable.

"If I may, I would like to back up Terada-sensei on this idea. It is easy to keep the students active in the summer, but winter sports are usually neglected and should be reinforced to maintain a healthy balance."

The suggestion was debated for a while, as all other suggestions were, until someone brought up another point. "Yoshiyuki is the only instructor here who has more than a rudimentary skill at ice skating. We won't have enough teachers to actually teach the skills necessary."

This is when I chimed in again. "That's not true. I can skate also, I've been doing it for years in my spare time and have taught others as well."

The field trip was scheduled, and I would be going. I wasn't sure why it was important yet, but something would happen. The more time I spent here, watching over Sakura and her friends, the more I was caught up in situations like this.

 

There was a card waiting for Sakura at the ice skating rink. I stood by in case she needed help, but the only help she would freely accept was that of those her own age. That was not the only card I would wait on the sidelines to watch her capture either. I helped when I could, and I stood aside more often than I thought I would have. She was as strong and independent in her own way as her brother.

Her grades in school did not reflect the relationship though. I sighed as I looked over her latest math test and wondered how much hunting the cards was effecting her concentration on scholastics. She fell asleep in class on a regular basis too, which worried me. I was easy on her because I knew she was going through a lot, but I worried about her all the same.

I caught myself wondering what Clow had been thinking, why events were meant to unfold this way, now. Sakura was at a very vulnerable age. She had her whole life ahead of her, and school was a very important part of that. Then again, she was a very innocent girl with a strong sense of responsibility that may have been washed away by time. That could be an important factor in timing the events to happen at this point in her life.

When the new school year started that April I pushed events slightly so that I could be her homeroom teacher. I could keep a closer eye on her that way, and be in a better position to help her with her school work as well. There were still many cards to be captured, and I wanted to guide her as much as I could.

 

When it was time to prepare for the arts festival, the class voted for a play, and I recalled a movie I had watched in England, Sleeping Beauty. We watched the Disney version first, but the story had intrigued me and I rented a few other versions of it. Spinel Sun had suggested that I should read the original version of the fairy tale, but I had never gotten around to it, and only the animated version had really made an impression on me. It was fun, with some interesting songs to go with it, so I wrote down what I could remember of it in script form and presented it to the class as what they would perform.

It was purely by chance that Sakura and Li Syaoran were the prince and princess in the play, though I wasn't surprised. Rehearsals went well, lines were memorized easily, and so I had a feeling the actual performance would be far from perfect. As the curtain rose I had a feeling that Tomoyo was not alone in the booth, but that was the least of it.

On the verge of the climactic scene, where Sakura as the "prince" would kiss the princess awake, everything was plunged into a magical darkness. Sakura captured it after a time, but it was almost expected at this point. Yes, only the most difficult cards remained at this time, but she was proving herself equal to the task.

I knew that only those with magic would be aware of any lapse in time. It was obviously a card that had us all trapped, and only Sakura could do this. We were all isolated from each other, so there would be no advising her. As soon as the darkness lifted, chaos broke out on the stage as the two stars of the show suddenly found themselves back in reality.

What was strange about it was after the play. I was walking up to say hello to Touya and I saw that he was with Yukito. It was the first time I had really seen them interacting, though I understood from Sakura that they were best friends.

"...that dark part in the middle. Did the power go out, or was that part of the show?" Yukito was just talking to his friend, clearly unsure about what had happened and unaware of his own magic or any magic around him.

Touya turned to his friend and looked like he was about to say something important, but he saw me and changed his mind. "Hello, Kaho."

"Touya," I smiled. "Tsukishiro-san." I bowed a little, smiling. "How did you enjoy the play? I saw you taking pictures of your sister, Touya. Couldn't your father be here?" Their father had missed many of his activities and had been a sore spot with him before, and it looked like Touya may have been feeling less than understanding about the absence this time.

He frowned a little, but didn't scowl as he would have at one time. "No, he was busy today."

"It must be hard to be a single parent. You miss so many important things."

Touya looked thoughtful, and I could almost feel him thinking of the past and the lessons of life I had helped guide him through.

Beside him, Yukito was smiling. "It's very good that To-ya helps Kinomoto-san like this. He always takes pictures of events and plays that Sakura is in so that their father doesn't miss a thing."

Touya's expression was priceless. He looked away for a moment, blushing that slightest bit that most people would miss, then looked back at Yukito with a protective warmth that I had been on the receiving end of all those years ago. I was reminded of the idea I'd had months ago that this boy would complement Touya more than Sakura, and I realized that even then it had been my usual foreknowledge working.

He just shrugged dismissively. "I just do what I should, it's not a big deal."

I was still looking back and forth between them, taking in the signs that were so clear to me but vague to each other. Touya still couldn't resist the moon energy, though he found someone else to be drawn to. "You haven't changed a bit, Touya." I smiled as I reached up and patted him on the cheek.

I could tell he knew what I meant by the shocked look he gave me and the quick glance he made at Yukito. I nodded slightly, smiling wider.

"What do you mean, Mizuki-sensei?"

Yukito was simply too innocent to understand. I almost explained, I wanted to so they could start being happy together, but I couldn't. It wasn't my place, and there were still too many secrets between them. It was just not the right time. Also, Touya was looking mortified at the thought of me saying something like that, and I just couldn't bring myself to do this to him no matter how I suspected things would turn out. "It's nothing," I said, shaking my head. "I have things to attend to, so I must take my leave. It was nice running into the two of you though."

With that I walked away. I heard Touya's thoughts clearly at that moment, I felt the conflict and doubt within him as I hadn't felt since that day he told me he loved me.  _...after all, he would never love me this way, I'm happy to just be part of his life...._

_Don't be so sure, Touya._  I tried to make my thought known to him, but that bond was long gone and even now his thoughts slipped away from me like sand between my fingers. I remembered my own prophecy, the one he and I had parted with, and my smile turned sad. He was, indeed, in love with someone else. My thoughts turned to all I had left behind in England and I knew of a certainty that I was as well. The past was behind us both.

Suddenly I couldn't wait to return. I wanted to skate on the pond where it was only me and the barren trees and the sky. I wanted to wander through the garden where the flowers that bloomed seemed larger than life and more vivid than the eye could handle. I missed the nights where we would sit around like a family, talking or reading together, and the days where we would all play as if there wasn't a care in the world. I could forget the horror I had felt in the arms of Ruby Moon as my life energy had begun to be siphoned away. I just wanted to return and start on a future where the past was something I remembered, not something I looked forward to.

Most of all I wanted to see Eriol again. I was sure I could get past his physical appearance. He was so much older than me in reality, and I needed to move past what my eyes told me to what my heart said. He deserved no less. After all, I was in love with him, no matter what the world would say.


	8. Rising of the Moon

The motions of an archery match are as a well rehearsed dance.  Everything is just so and I can lose myself in the rhythm and pattern of motions to the point where it is a trance and I stay in that spot for as long as I need.  Even focusing my eyes on the target is part of that dance, and it is all done to an internal beat.  It is while lost in that dance that I feel invincible.  It is as if there is another within me, guiding my actions and bringing me closer to perfection.

With fluid motion I stood, feet in position, bow raised and my hands in place.  Slowly, I pull the string back while bringing my arms down and in position.  The arrow is already knocked, I have only to sight it, and then I release.  The low thrum of the string after release quivers through my arm and I watch the flight with calm patience.  It either hits or misses at this point, and time slows as I wait to see the result.  There is a slight whistle as the fletching strains to keep the arrow in its path over the distance, then there is the distinctive soft thud of the arrow hitting its target. 

Bull's eye.

This would be a good day, I looked forward to the competition.

 

 

As the day wore on I felt a presence tickling the back of my mind, but it was one I had felt before and could dismiss.  My arms began to burn a little, but it was a sensation I was used to and even almost welcomed.  It had been a while since I had been in a competition so fierce, it was thrilling to be standing at the end against someone so talented.  I was a mere human, and I was tied with the false form of Yue, a being who was given magical skill with the bow as part of his nature.  I had a feeling that I could not win in the long run, but I was doing my best.  That was all that was important.

He let fly another arrow and I smiled.  His form was perfect.  Soon, I would be faltering as my arms lost strength and my concentration wavered.  It was going on longer than anyone really expected, and the end was not in sight.  I smiled, knowing that every arrow I fired off at this point was a personal victory that no one else had been able to match.  I stood, positioning myself, dancing to the internal beat that led me through this competition.  I drew my arms down to aim, each motion in rhythm, and I felt eyes upon me.  It was as if someone was glaring at me, calling me.  The feeling of presence that had been present all day became intense and my fingers pulled slightly off true.  I waited as the arrow flew, hoping to hear that satisfying thud, but my ears were met with a clack as it hit the panel that held the targets, and not the target itself.

There was a flash of disappointment.  I could have done better.  Why had this happened now?  It wasn't fair.  It wasn't my fault.

I stifled those thoughts quickly though.  It wouldn't do to seem like a poor sport.  I paused long enough to follow the feeling to its source, Sakura's backpack, and then turned to congratulate my opponent.  I wanted to ask if he had felt those eyes boring into him also, but that would detract from his victory.  I did not want to do that to him.  His slight hesitation made it clear to me that he had felt it as well anyway, making questions unnecessary.

I found a secluded place on the pretext that I wanted time to think.  I was followed, exactly as I had supposed I would be, by the same being who had interrupted the match.  I waited a few moments for him to reveal himself.  The presence was a familiar one, someone I had met before, but someone who had tried to remain hidden from view.

In an intuitive flash I knew all of it.  There had been a day when Li-san had been changed, where his personality had not been his own.  I remembered Eriol talking about a "Change" card and idly wondered at the time if that had been responsible.  I had not thought to wonder who he had changed with.  So, this was Keroberos, sometimes called Cerberus in English, guardian of the seal.

He still did not reveal himself.

"Konnichi wa," I called softly.

"So, you did feel me," he said, rounding the corner at last.  What I saw before me was a somewhat familiar sight, looking very much like a certain toy my colleague, Terada Yoshiyuki, had almost given to his niece.   He flew to sit on the wooden rail before me, at eye level while I was kneeling on the wooden walk on the side of the building.

"It's the first time I met you in that form."

"Yeah, I had switched bodies with that kid the last time," he said, confirming what I had just concluded moments before.  "Since I couldn't use any of my magic, I didn't realize it when I met you."

I wondered for a moment what it would have been like if he had noticed me at that time.  What would we have said while in that borrowed form?

"I feel magic of tremendous power," he went on, "especially that of the moon.  You're one that uses the powers of the moon, aren't you?"

"Yes."  I thought I realized suddenly why he had wanted to talk to me at this time.

"The other guardian of the Clow Cards that Clow Reed created to serve opposite me; Yue, which means "moon" in Chinese."

In the distance we could hear Sakura calling for him, but he was not finished trying to figure out what I knew and what roll I would play.

"Did you tell Sakura anything?"

"No," I replied.  It wasn't my place to tell her, just to help her in her moment of need.

"What about the Last Judgment?"

"I know...but I haven't told her about that, either."  She would find out about that on her own.  "I have...my duties."

"What are your duties," he asked.

"You'll find out soon," I said.  How would this creature, even looking like a harmless toy, react to the knowledge that I was here to go against the judgment Yue would render this night?  I was here to give a second chance where there should be none, where interference should have been impossible.

He looked stubborn.  "I believe Sakura can do something about it."

"I do too," I said, smiling slightly.  Her kind heart would put her in a bind, but I had a feeling that she could win in the end.

Sakura was coming closer; our conversation was at an end.  She would be too shocked to see that her "Kero-chan" had given away her secrets to me.  I took a deep breath, readying myself for the events that would unfold this night.

 

 

The chaos of attaining the final card was easily explained away as an earthquake to those who had no magic.  I watched over Tsukishiro-kun while he was under the influence of the sleep card, drawing upon magical roots within the earth to maintain a steady footing and be safe while the Earthy card attacked.  Li-san and Daidouji-san also stayed within my sphere of influence while Sakura battled the card.

Then it was finally over.  All that remained was the signing of the card and she would face the Judgment.  They decided to make a production of it and I smiled at how innocently they went about it.  They would not have this happiness now if they knew what was to come.  I was glad they had not been robbed of this moment.

I just waited.

Finally, Sakura prepared to write her name on the card and Keroberos gave the only warning he would give.  Only then did the children show true signs of wariness.  There was nothing to be done for it, however.  It was inevitable.

Sakura printed her name on the card.

A magical wind began to blow, heralding--"The Last Judgment."  The words slipped from me, an announcement of what we all now faced.

Behind me a soft blue glow began to emanate from Tsukishiro-kun.  I was nearly overwhelmed by the gathering moon energy surrounding him, much stronger now than my own.  He floated away from the bench we had laid him on while under the grip of the magical sleep.  Wings appeared and surrounded his form.  When they parted he stood there in his true form, that of Yue.

This was the one who had captivated the heart of Clow Reed.  I turned my gaze forward again quickly, taking in Sakura's reaction so I could ignore my own.  She stood in shock for a moment, then confusion set in.  "Where did Yukito go?"

"Tsukishiro-kun  _was_  Yue," I explained patiently.

The explanations had begun.  Half of the story now came to light.  I held an arm across my middle, unaware at first of the protective and insecure gesture, but as I heard more and more of that voice I realized what I was doing.  I still refused to turn around and look as Keroberos droned on.  I listened carefully to those words so I would not have to imagine what had happened in the past.

Clow before, Touya to come; I felt like I was simply in Yue's shadow.  I chided myself for those thoughts.  Now was not the time or the place.  I was here for one reason.  I would wait for my opportunity to help Sakura, and that was all.

The judgment began and I waited patiently.  When Li-san was defeated I still waited, though I had watched a bit more raptly than I liked to admit.  The display of power was enough to take my breath away.  At that moment though, I felt more dangerously diminished than ever.  How could I hope to compare?  I was glad that I was not the one standing up against Yue to be judged.  I was very happy in my decision to give the Maze card to Sakura and to never let myself be in that position again.  I did not want to be facing this tonight.

I did not envy Sakura for what she now faced.

I had confidence in her though.  Her purity would lead her through.  Her love and hope and confidence would bring her to victory when she found her strength.

I watched and waited as she was pulled into his control.  She disappeared from our little "safe" space, and then reappeared on top of a distant building.  She refused to fight at first, but was not given a choice.  It was hard to just watch, but I had to wait until she realized for herself that she could win, and that she had to win.

She finally found a solution that she could live with, she tried to trap Yue, but the card she chose was under his influence and could not be used against him.  Her spell turned on her, trapping her.  She was told what the consequence of losing was, and only then did she realize that she must win no matter what.  As Eriol and I both knew it would be, it was too little too late.  Sakura was trapped and Yue began his spell.

I teleported to Tokyo Tower, standing at the base of where the Wood card had sprouted.  The magic in the air was spreading out, reaching further and further as Sakura accepted it and added her own power to it.  Still I waited, hoping that it would not overpower me also before I could do something about it.  At the critical moment I felt Sakura quest for help, her mind reaching out to break the spell.  She knew it was wrong, that this world vision could not come to pass.

That is when I rang the bell Clow had left to the shrine so many centuries ago.  It had waited for this moment.  Clow's magic now filled the air, giving Sakura the extra strength she needed to break the spell.  A flash of brilliant light surrounded her as the tendrils from the Wood card were pushed away.  The bell alone could not have done it, Sakura alone could not, but the two together managed to reflect the magic Yue had woven around her.

Sakura climbed down the vines, then the Wood card dissipated its power. 

"Mizuki-sensei!?"  She stared at me in shock for a moment.

I was just too happy that disaster had been averted, and I was very happy I could be of some help.  "I'm glad you figured it out," I said.  The bell began to shimmer, fading from this world as its purpose was finally fulfilled.

Sakura noticed this.  "The bell!"

"This bell was left by Clow reed so that you could get one last chance," I explained with a smile.  "It's gone, now that it has done what it was made to do.  You won't get another chance after this."  The last part I said with a more serious emphasis, wanting her to know just how serious this was.  Sentiment could not get in the way; this was about the fate of the world and not just herself.

"Hai!"  She turned back to Yue, ready to face him again with a new determination.  "It's too sad to see a world where your feelings for the person you care about the most are gone!  I'll do my best right now!  I'm sure something will come of this.  I know it will be all right."

At her cheerful and determined speech her wand began to glow, drawing into itself the last influence of Clow's magic to transform itself.  "Now, release the seal," I guided her.  I could almost feel what would happen next.

As she raised the staff high, it changed form, reflecting Sakura's power alone.  Clow's influence was gone.  Magic streaked across the sky like shooting stars and Yue looked around almost as if panicked.  "What is this?" he demanded.

"A new power," I replied with joy.  She could do this now.  I had helped her overcome this last obstacle.

The wand became tipped with a star and wings, symbols of Sakura's power and personality.  She sent the Wind card to capture Yue without harming him, and because of the change in polarity in the magic the spell worked.  Yue was clearly shocked to see a card that should be his overpower him, but there was nothing he could do.

He lost.

Sakura won.

That was my cue to teleport back to the ground and leave the end of the Judgment to them.


	9. The Words Between

One last time I wandered through, sweeping and cleaning the shrine with a sweet nostalgia slowing my motions.  This wasn't home, no matter how welcoming it had been when I had problems to run away from.  It was my parent's home, but not mine.

I would miss it all, but each day that passed I found myself missing England more and more.  No, that wasn't quite right--I found myself missing Eriol more and more.  I missed the engaging conversations we indulged in on cold winter nights.  I missed the wonder in his eye when he looked at me sometimes.  I missed how he treated me like a grand lady, and yet like an equal in all things.  I missed how protective he was whenever things went wrong.  I missed playing in the expansive garden when the weather turned good.  I could be myself around him, no matter what mood took me, and he accepted it with kindness, patience, and love.

I felt warmth on my cheeks as I thought of that word.  Love.  It was a word we had not shared between us, one I was afraid to face, and yet one that I was all too aware of lying under the surface of everything we shared.

While I was trapped in that reverie someone approached the shrine with weary steps, yet determined purpose.  I instantly knew who it must be as soon as I brushed against that powerful yet untrained aura.  A talk between us was long overdue I thought, so I turned with a smile at the familiar sight of Touya walking along the brick path in the moonlight.

"You're leaving tomorrow," he said softly.  I searched for a hint of accusation, but found none this time.

A relieved smile lit upon my lips for what I did not find in his tone.  "Yes."

"Where are you going this time?"

"Back to England.  I gave Sakura-chan the address so she can write."  I suddenly turned a full and teasing smile upon him.  "Would you like to write to me too?"

He almost smiled.  Almost.  "You won't give me any answers."

I nodded.  "Some of the answers you want from me aren't mine to give.  I couldn't betray a confidence.  I promise that I'd reply if you sent me a letter though."

The words hung in the air, said lightly, but weighed by the fact that we both knew he wouldn't be writing me any letters.  "What answers can you give me right now?"  He frowned, his dark eyes trying to look into me and pull out my secrets by force of will alone.

I continued my sweeping for a while as I organized my thoughts.  There were some things I did want him to know.  There were others I could not tell him.  How much could I say and both keep my secrets and help him through what he now faced?

"It will all be okay.  That is your sister's invincible spell, and you should probably keep it in mind as well.  I have faith that you'll make the right decision."  I reached up and patted him on the cheek, giggling at the stoic look on his face.

"What decision?"

I shook my head.  If I said something now about what faced him and his best friend, I would set things off balance, and one or both of them could get hurt.  I closed my eyes, listening with my inner ear to the whisperings of fate, and could only know that I could not say a word.  "The decision you will have to make.  You know I can't say more than that."

Frustration flashed in his eyes a moment before weary resignation settled over him.  "You haven't changed a bit," he accused.

"Neither have you," I teased.  He somehow knew I was talking about Tsukishiro-san and looked away as if to hide his reaction.  "You have a weakness for the influence of the moon."

Instead of growling at me to shut up, he simply looked to the sky with a thoughtful expression.  "Maybe I do," he sighed.  "What am I going to do about Yuki?"

He clearly didn't expect an answer to that question as he looked at the moon's distant beauty, but found myself answering anyway.  "You'll make the right decision," I repeated with a smile.

He turned back to me, meeting my eyes again with complete shock.  "You said you couldn't say anything else!"

I winked.  "I didn't."

I was done cleaning the shrine for the night.  I walked off into the darkness while he was still stunned by my reply.  As I walked I heard his appreciative chuckle and his retreating footsteps.  It was a much happier parting than the last.

 

I returned, greeted by a summer rainstorm and a surly taxi driver with an accent so thick I could barely understand him.  He seemed to have the same problem with me and we ended up lost and trying to figure out where we were supposed to be at the side of the road somewhere I thought was the entirely wrong direction.  Speaking slowly finally cleared things up, but I had been looking forward to a happy homecoming and was met with frustration.

When we finally pulled up to the familiar home, looming dark and lonely as it had the first time I laid eyes on it, two years ago.  Still, as soon as I stepped from the taxi it looked brighter, somehow fulfilled now that I had returned.   _Surely it's just my imagination,_  I thought, shaking my head though I still smiled at the notion.

_Not at all,_  came a soft reply within my mind.  Eriol's familiar presence subtly intruded on my consciousness an instant before he opened the front door.

"Welcome home," he called out with a cheery wave.

I accepted those words with a flutter in my heart and a spring in my step as I followed the brick path up the steps to that door.  It felt like home to me, more like home than I thought it would.  At that moment I wanted to spend the rest of my life there, with Eriol.

 

In the garden there was a tree whose limbs were perfect for climbing, and even more perfect for sitting in on a summer afternoon.  There were clouds all around, but we were in the sun and a heavy warmth held me close as I rested there.  I had brought a book with me when I headed out, but it lay forgotten beside me as I dozed in the comforting embrace of the sturdy oak.  It held an aura of age, patience, and solid wisdom that I found particularly desirable that afternoon.

I was still aware, but my eyes had fallen shut long ago.  The sun fell between leaves to cast its light on my eyelids intermittently, and warmth touched my skin in shifting patches.  A cool breeze stirred once in a while, tugging at my clothes and playing with wisps of my hair.  The trees whispered to each other softly at these times, the leaves rustling with a soothing sound that nearly lulled me to sleep.

I was not asleep though when I felt Eriol's powerful and soothing presence join me on a nearby tree limb.  He was slightly above me, to my right, clearly visible to my mind's eye.  Yet, if I had not known him, I would have overlooked him entirely.

"You've been practicing your stealth," I said, not bothering to open my eyes.

"It will serve me for what I need."

I smiled languidly, relaxing further against the sturdy tree.  "I'll feel so strange here, staying in your home without you."

"Make it your home while I'm gone," he instructed lightly, but underneath his casual tone his aura gave him away.  Swirls of hope and apprehension lay beneath the surface where he tried to hide even from me.

"I'd like that," I answered, slowly opening my eyes and seeking out his expression.  "I think I'd like that a lot."

I barely caught the surprise in his eyes before a pleased smile dominated his face.  I remembered my real, face-to-face meeting with his prior incarnation, Clow Reed, and tallied the similarities--and the differences.  Who was I really in love with?  There was no doubt in my mind that I was, indeed, in love.  I felt the nervous flutter in my core as his dark, mysterious eyes pierced into the center of my being.  Every time he smiled at me, every time he said my name, I felt a piece of heaven meet with my soul.  This was a stronger love than I had ever known.

He suddenly reached out to me, and like a magnet my hand was attracted to his.  I willingly entwined my fingers between his, feeling a burning tingle run up my arm as the potency of our magic energies interacted.  It was a sensation I had missed in my absence from here, from him, a sensation I could find myself becoming addicted to.

I closed my eyes again, and I could almost forget his physical appearance.   He was almost old enough, by himself, to be my father.  I tried to picture him as he would be the right age and tried to see how he'd be different from Clow.  For a disturbing moment I pictured Touya's father, but with dark, blue-black hair.  I heard him chuckle over my shoulder, then softly murmur, "Maybe...."

"How will things be when this is all over, when she has won?"  There was no sense asking what would happen if Sakura lost.  I'd been told what she would face, and I had elected already to return in time to face that fate with the rest of them, if.

"When she wins I will ask her to restore the balance in my soul.  For her father's sake, I'm sure she will, and then I will be normal again.  I will start to age as I should, and my body will grow up normally."

I didn't want to ask the next question, but it slipped softly out before I could stop it.  "Isn't there any way to speed that up a little?"

A flash of sadness was easily read through our connection.  I bit my lower lip, wanting to apologize, but I knew he would not accept my apology because I had only expressed truth.  "It would be too dangerous.  Kaho, maybe we should--"

"No, it's okay."  He was going to suggest a step back, breaking off our budding relationship just as I was starting to get comfortable with it.  I wouldn't hear of it.  "I do not want to let go of something so precious simply because of my own shortcomings.  What's on the outside should not matter, and I promise that when we return here, together, it will not matter."

We both felt the ripple of prophesy in that statement and smiled.  When we returned, after it all ended, we would begin our time together.  The thought made me melt and I could not hide the smile of anticipation that bloomed.  It was a giddy moment for both of us until a sobering thought struck Eriol.

"I will be dividing my magic in half.  Half of my connection with Clow will be gone as well, so the dreams we shared won't--"

"It's okay," I assured him.  I thought that maybe it would be for the best because it would not confuse the issue of love between us.

"I'll miss those though," he said with a sad look.  "I'm sorry for what happened that last time, and I'm sorry for losing control, but I looked forward to those nights as much as you did.  There is still that part of me that is Clow that will miss that look in your eyes...."

"Could we, before you leave for Tomoeda, could you...again...?"  I found it hard to say it, wondering if the simple act of asking would change things between us.

He squeezed my hand gently, then let go.  I opened my eyes to see him sliding down to meet me on the same tree limb I was on.  Something stirred within me at his proximity, something both scary and exciting.  He captured my eyes with his beautifully dark gaze and a small, gentle smile graced his face.  He then reached forward and caressed my cheek in a gesture so gentle, so familiar, and so intimate that I could feel my skin burning where he touched me.  I was so close to just accepting him as he was right then, ignoring his physical appearance and seeing only what lay in his heart.

He chuckled, withdrawing slightly.  "I would like that," he said with a grin that could almost be called smug.  It was certainly self-assured.  He then jumped down from the tree with a cat-like grace and started walking back to the house.

My skin still burned where he touched me.  I brought a hand up to that spot, losing myself in the memory of that intense sensation.  Again I tried picturing Eriol as he would be if his appearance matched his true age.  I leaned back against the tree again, daydreaming and anticipating.

That dream did not come soon enough for either of us.  We made the attempt, we tried to only talk, but there was an edge and an urgency neither of us could deny.  Glances we exchanged were weighted by the knowledge that there were other things we both wanted.  Eriol would be leaving within the week, and this would be one of the last times Clow and I would be together.  This thought made me impatient in my craving for more than the kisses I had once found so fulfilling.  As the dream unfolded we were both carried past where reason should restrain us.  If we went too far, however, there were no regrets.

Words murmured in the afterglow as we held each other close, tight.  Sleepy words of glowing satisfaction.

"I love you, Kaho."

"I love you, Clow."

Within the dream we fell further asleep together, and I missed the sad smile that touched upon his face.


	10. The Hope That Blinds

It was lonely in that house alone.  I studied, I watched after the garden, and I read, but every day there was an emptiness that I longed to fill.  The emptiness, I told myself, was in my heart.  I was sure that my loneliness was only for him.  For Eriol.  It wasn't the over-large house and echoing silence there.   It wasn't the memories I held, or even the ghosts of time pacing the old family home.  I convinced myself that Eriol was all I wanted or needed to wipe that cold emptiness within me.

I received letters from Sakura and her friends.  I didn't receive one from Touya.  This didn't surprise me, but when the thought hit me my smile would slip a little.

Eriol wrote me letters too.  It was amusing to read one of Sakura's letters after I read his to see the different perspectives on the same event.  She was so puzzled about why she would sense Clow's presence when events would happen, and I didn't try to hold back my laughter while I pictured Eriol standing on a nearby roof or lounging in a tree as he watched her deal with his challenges.  I knew he'd be watching with a kind and probably triumphant smile as she pulled through.  It was difficult for her, but she never gave up.

Nothing less from Sakura-chan after all.

When things were coming to an end I could feel it.  I sat down and wrote two letters, guided by what I could see of the future.  I gave Eriol the information for my flight so he'd know when I would arrive.  I gave Sakura encouragement and a small hint of what could help her. 

"Don't worry though because you have your own invincible spell.  It will all be absolutely okay.  I believe in you, Sakura-chan."

I mailed the letters and cleaned the house one last time.  I was ready to face whatever fate would befall my hometown, even if that meant I would sleep forever.  I would not live in a world without those things I did not love.

 

"I only have a few minutes before the Return will bring Sakura back."  Eriol looked nervous, straightening his hat and tugging at the hem of his sleeves.  He already looked perfect, but he couldn't keep his hands still.  This was it, and the fate of us all depended on the strength of this little girl.

"I know.  I timed my return for this after all."

He nodded, patting his collar to make sure it was straight.

"I can't take this back if she doesn't win," he said softly, finally.

"That's why I'm here.  I won't run away now.  I don't want to be part of a world where you aren't.  More than that though, I have faith in her.  She will defeat you."

He shook his head.  "This isn't set in stone.  There's no moon bell to save her at the last minute.  Clow won't pull the strings of fate to hand her a victory this time," he said with some considerable irony.

I bent closer to him and smiled reassuringly.  "You chose the right person.  I have faith in you, so I have faith in Sakura.  I will see you when this is through."  I kissed him gently, then stood back.

"It is time," he said, smiling kindly and putting his apprehension behind him.  This was no time for doubts.  He then swung his huge sun staff in an arc and faded from my sight.

I sat in his chair and waited.  It seemed like no time passed at all before the sky darkened and a heavy feeling filled the air.  I called upon my own light and opened up a book.  The light would last as long as I did.  I told myself it would be no different from reading myself to sleep.

Eventually, that's exactly what I did.

 

I was never happier to wake up in the morning.  Eriol found me curled up in his chair and he chuckled at my drowsy state.  He was weary but triumphant as he pulled aside the curtains.  "Look, sunrise!"

"She did it," I said in breathless wonder.  It was a beautiful sunrise.  It was probably the most beautiful one I've ever seen.

Eriol smiled gently.  "It's been a long night, and since I am one of three humans who didn't get any sleep all night, I feel I'm entitled.  I'm skipping school today."  He laughed, taking off his hat.  "I won't sleep very long though.  We have a party to get ready for."

He slipped off to the bedroom, leaving me with his guardians to begin preparations.  Spinel Sun and Ruby Moon agreed to fix food and left me to decorate the dining room.  It would be a wonderful surprise party for the girl of honor.  It would be even more of a surprise when I came out to join them.  I could hardly wait.

When Eriol woke up he helped a little here and there, handing me decorations when I needed them and helping me spread the tablecloth at the last minute.  We smiled playfully at each other in shared triumph and anticipation.  This was the good stuff.

"She's here," he said, just as I felt Sakura's presence reach the front gate.  We exchanged another smile, then he was holding the door open for me to hide behind.  I was in the darkened hallway between the kitchen and the dining room.  We agreed that I would wait there for the right moment.

As the door closed I could feel someone behind me.  At once it was familiar but strange, like a blending of two auras I knew well.  I was startled when I turned around to see Yue, standing before the window, frowning with his arms crossed over his chest.

**_Eriol?_ **

_I know._

I smiled gently.  He would do something as soon as he could be free.

"Hello, Yue."

He looked at me and merely nodded.  He was here for one reason, and he would not be pulled away from his purpose.  I hoped that Eriol could offer the guardian some peace.

We waited in silence for a time.  I listened to the conversation on the other side of the door, but I already had an idea of how it would go.  Half intuition, half logic.  Yue didn't move closer, staying by the window to wait.  I turned to him once again.  "I want to thank you."

This brought a look of surprise to his face and he studied me closer.

"You made Touya happy again, happier than I could have.  You healed him.  I'm in your debt."

He glanced away quickly, and then returned his eyes to meet mine.  "That was Yukito, not me."

I just smiled.  He still thought of himself as two people, but I knew that this would not be the case forever.  The message would be there, and he could do with it what he would.  I turned back to face the door.  It was time to see Sakura once again and tell her the truth.

 

The next day they packed to leave.  I helped all I could, but there were many things I couldn't help with, so I had time to myself.  I wandered outside for a walk, saying goodbye to my home once again.  It was purely by accident that I ran into Touya this time, I think.  I felt the stirrings of fate, but it was very different this time.

"Kaho," he said softly, watching me walk up to him.  He smiled, looking at peace for once in his life.  For once, I looked at him and saw that I had no effect on his life or state of mind.  I was just a person he had known, drifting toward his orbit and away.  Another moon now circled his life.

"You now have all the answers I couldn't give you."  I smiled back, brushing hair from my face.  A slight breeze was playing around today, toying with my hair as if tugged by sprites.  It only made me smile all the more.

"So, you knew all along?"

I shook my head.  "There were some things I didn't know.  No one knows everything after all.  There were other things I only hoped for, and seeing you smile like that was one.  I'm glad you found your one."

"I'm not the only one smiling," he observed with a teasing grin.

I grinned, glad I could finally share my happiness with someone.  "I didn't return to come home this time.  I returned to be with the one I love when everything happened."

He frowned, erasing the smile instantly to wear a more typical expression.  "He lives here?"

"No, we're returning to England this evening.  He has been visiting for a while, but now that things are over we'll be returning to enjoy our own happily ever after."

Now his frown went beyond his typical look, becoming protective and suspicious.  "Who is it?"

I still smiled, though I curbed my excitement some.  "Hiiragizawa Eriol.  He is the reincarnation of Clow Reed."

He looked at me sharply, then simply shook his head.  "Be careful," he muttered.

I blinked in surprise.  "What?"

Touya hesitated, not wanting to say something, but he finally spread his hands in a gesture of surrender.  "I don't trust him.  I don't like him.  I don't like what he did to Sakura, and I don't like what he did to Yue.  Maybe it's just because he was hiding his true self, maybe not, but I can't tell anymore if I can trust him, so I don't."

I nodded, listening to his warning and dismissing it.  "Do you trust me?"

He patted me on the head with a laugh.  "You're all grown up, you can make your own decisions," he said with a wink.

I batted his hand away playfully.  "You didn't answer my question!"

"You're right.  I didn't.  That's because when it comes to matters of the heart, magic seems to be pretty useless.  So, as far as that goes I don't trust you."

I frowned slightly, but conceded the point.  "Did Yue tell you what Eriol told him yesterday?"

"That Clow thought Yue's false form would love Sakura?  Yeah.  It made me stop and think about fate and love last night.  I'm glad I'm not in a 'fated' relationship, I don't think I could handle the pressure."  His smile was teasing, playful, and so carefree I envied him for a moment.

"What pressure?" I laughed, sticking my tongue out at him playfully.

He shook his head, laughing.  "Maybe I'm wrong.  I don't feel the weight of destiny on my shoulders anymore."

I could feel the underlying pain he still held at the loss of his magic, but overall he was accepting it gracefully.  "Hmmm, no regrets, Touya?"

He stretched with a self-satisfied grin.  "Ask me again in ten years.  After last night, I regret nothing."

It was the first, and only time he got me to blush.  When he noticed he only laughed at me all the more.


	11. Twilight Upon Us

After that life became more mundane.  Eriol had given half of his magic to Sakura's father, and a great deal of his magic was now invested simply in keeping his guardians alive.  We returned to England to begin life together, and things were wonderful at first.

No, actually, that's a lie.  We acted like things were wonderful.  We smiled a lot and were kind to each other, but that very instant things had changed.  There was something missing, and I was terrified that I knew what that missing thing was.

I couldn't let him know how I felt.

I couldn't let it slip that I was that shallow.

But now, every time I looked at him, all I could see was a child, the age of one of my students.

Clow had told me.  Eriol had told me.  I had told myself.  I must love Eriol.  Clow is dead.

I had lied to myself.

The one I loved was dead.

 

For years I pretended that I would come to love him once he was older.  For years he pretended to believe it.  We could see it in each others eyes, but we were too scared of admit we were wrong.  We were content.  Maybe we were hopeful.  I couldn't bear to hurt him though, so I stayed.

I hurt us both.

Day after day the realization grew and day after day I shoved it back as far as I could.  Then one day....

"Eh?  You think they would come here?"

"It can't hurt to invite them?"

I walked into the room, having only overheard that much between Ruby Moon and Eriol.  "Invite?  Who are we talking about?"

Ruby Moon waved a sheet of paper in the air gleefully.  "Yukito wrote me a letter.  I don't know how to answer him really, but maybe if we spoke in person I could help out some.  And, if Yukito came here, Touya wouldn't dare leave him here alone!"

The manic glee in those brilliant scarlet eyes made me sick, but it seemed Eriol could only see an innocent and infectious joy there.  He smiled in return, giving her a message to tell Yue, then turned to me without a care.  How could he?  He knew what Ruby Moon was capable of.  Then I remembered, she was no longer a threat to Touya because of what had happened between him and Yue.  I had a flash of insight, a brief vision of Eriol smiling down at Yue's prone form, telling him that there was one who could help with the guardian's waning energy.

Eriol had known what Touya would have to sacrifice.

Had he counted on it?

Outwardly I smiled and made excuses to leave.

Inwardly I felt ill.  I wanted to cry.  What had I gotten myself into?  What lengths would Eriol go to, just to ensure--?

I bit my lower lip, trembling.  I denied everything to myself.  I could stay and be happy and be in love and tell myself every day that this was the greatest life I could have hoped for, or I could leave and be lonely and hate myself forever for lying to him and myself when I'd been given every opportunity to leave if this was too much.  I danced on the razor's edge for a time; acting out my bitter aggression even after Touya and Yukito arrived.

That night though....

 

I brushed my hair viciously, showing the fury that had built within me now that I was alone.  I expected to be alone the rest of the night.  Eriol and I still slept in separate rooms, and I expected my privacy.  We had both decided to wait until he was physically old enough--

He didn't even knock; he just walked in with a bemused grin.  His fingers played at his lips as if remembering something pleasant.  A kiss perhaps?  It couldn't be.  There was no one in this house that would--

He appeared sixteen now, physically, but this was the first time I had noticed it...he really was aging.  How had I missed it?  We'd been together how long now?  He was older in appearance than Touya had been when he and I had dated.

I frowned, but he still had that smile.

"Eriol?" I asked tentatively.

"He kissed me," he said softly.

"I see.  You needed to barge into my room to tell me that you've been kissed?  Congratulations."

He took my irritation the wrong way, naturally.  "You're jealous.  For a while I wondered if you would be."

I slammed the brush down on the table.  There were tears in my eyes, but none fell.  I held them back with everything I had, including magic.  Even still, it was a close thing, but my dignity would not allow this.  "Which of our houseguests did you take advantage of?"

Eriol laughed lightly, stepping closer to me.  "It would surprise you if he's the one that 'took advantage' of me?"

I didn't bother to answer that.  "Who?"  If it was Touya I would--

"Yue.  He had been lurking in the hall when we had our little row.  That's why I asked to talk about it later."

I frowned.  My first reaction was disbelief--I would have sensed Yue if he had been lurking there.  Then I took into account my state of mind at the time, much like it was now, and realized I wouldn't have.  I couldn't have.  My longing to go home--no, my longing to make a point to Eriol about going home--had overcome my senses.  It wouldn't have mattered to me if someone overheard.  I had been single-minded in my need to make a point with him.

The next thing that came to me was a deep hurt and insecurity.  This is what I had been afraid of so long ago.  It had bothered me to know that Clow and Yue were once lovers; it had scared me when I had seen the unearthly beauty that Yue possessed.  How could I compare to that?  The last few years had done nothing to assuage that insecurity.  We had not taken our relationship past the occasional kiss while we waited for his body to mature.  At least, that's what was said out loud.  Was there something else?  Had that last dream with Clow been enough to make him realize I could not be what he wanted me to be?

I put on a brave face and almost managed a smile.  "So, you've come to tell me that you're leaving?  You want me to distract Touya, or perhaps console him?"  I tried to say it coldly, snidely...I wanted to hurt him with those words, but my voice broke, betraying my true feelings.  I looked away.

I felt his hands on my shoulders, turning me to face him.  I still couldn't meet his eyes, looking down with hopelessness and a weary pain that lanced deep through my soul.  "Kaho?  Is that what you want?"

"No!  Of course not!"  Now the tears were starting to break free at the corners of my eyes. 

"What do you want from me?"  His words were soft and caring, and the look in his eyes held more love than I deserved.  He was concerned for me, showing me something I'd thought was gone.

I didn't answer him with words.  I leaned forward hopefully, hesitantly, brushing his lips with a soft kiss.  I didn't know if he'd reject me, and I was terrified he would.  Instead he pulled me close and I could feel in his mind how his doubts and worries fled.  There was hope in that moment from both of us.

Hope that this gesture wasn't too late.

That was the last night I slept in that bedroom.  It was the first night I didn't sleep alone since the last dream Clow and I had shared.  It was the first time he and I did more than simply sleep while in the same bed.  It should have solved everything.  I hoped it would.  This step should have meant true love.

 

It was two days later when I talked to Touya alone.  It was probably the worst, and shortest, conversation we'd ever had.

"You look happier," I observed with a smile.  The morning before he had been pensive, but something had been resolved yesterday.  I had a flash of anger again toward Yue for that kiss, it had almost torn us all apart.  What was he thinking?  Yet, Touya was still here and he was smiling today, so something must have happened.

"You look like you are too, but I don't believe it," he replied.  "You look like you found out about that kiss too."

I looked away, torn.  How many people knew what had happened?  My face burned with shame and my stomach rolled.  "He told me about it right away."

I could feel his hesitation, like he wanted to ask something but didn't know how.  He finally took a step closer and placed his hands on his hips.  "Kaho, what happened?  You two used to love each other."

I stared at him, wanting to answer but unable.  I finally just walked away.  He wouldn't understand.  He couldn't know.  Even after what Eriol and I had shared the other night, it was obvious to Touya that what was there wasn't love.  He was right.  It was many things, but it wasn't love.


	12. Midnight Hours

I thought I could talk about it, but I simply can't.  Our last fight...our last hours together...the nightmare and the relief and the pain and the sickening joy....

I don't understand it.  From this perspective I can see all the clues and hints of things to come.  We were clinging together for all the wrong reasons.  He made me think he was something that he wasn't...and that's what I fell in love with.

What was I to him?  I don't know.  Now though, I feel small and incomplete.  Like I touched greatness and found myself lacking.  I shattered everything.

The words we exchanged that last time still haunt my nightmares, and I wish I could take them back.  I wish I could take back a lot of things.  I wasted those years.  I didn't have to, no one told me to do nothing while I waited for something that never happened, but I did.

For a while I hated him.  For a while I hated myself.  I'm sure it was the same for him.

My soul was so cold when I walked from those doors and turned my back forever.

I stayed in England to finish my education at first.  I had paid good money for this opportunity, and I had enough in savings to rent a room much closer to campus.  I lived in a numb haze of writing and working as I pushed forward with my doctoral thesis.  I'm not sure if I could have dated at that point...if I could have moved on romantically.  I didn't see beyond the work in front of me, and I'm sure the world saw that.  It was with single-minded determination that I finally earned my PhD despite crying myself to sleep every night.

I know I read the mail I still got from Sakura and her friends, but after a quick reply saying how busy I was it was always the same.  The words slipped from my mind like water down a river.  I was packing when I finally saw what Sakura had said in her last letter.  "Eriol-san moved back to Tomoeda.  I know I haven't written in months, and I'm sorry, but I thought you'd like to know that.  He won't tell anyone what happened, why you aren't with him, but I'm worried about both of you.  Are you okay?"

I couldn't remember what I had replied.

I didn't remember reading that he had moved back.

That was my home, not his!  My thoughts went irrationally red hot for a minute as I looked at those words again.

He had taken time from me when time had become precious.  He took my youth from me when he had plenty of youth to spare.  He was now taking my home and the only friends I might have confided in--

When did I become so centered on myself?

I deflated, holding the letter to my chest like some sort of lifeline.  The date told me that months had passed, so it should be old news.  I would treat it as if it were old news.  I consoled myself with the thought that at least Touya had never been on friendly terms with Eriol.  Would that have changed in that little amount of time?  Doubtful.  I'd have one person to turn to when no one else would want to hear what I had to say.

I arrived without fanfare, returning to my parent's home at the shrine.  Everything was as I remembered it, calm and accepting, simple and comfortable.  I gladly returned to my duties, though I was not the only one attending to them now.  Two years ago my family had written to tell me of a young girl who had joined them as miko to the shrine.  I had remembered, but it was still strange to see her doing everything that had been my duty alone for so long.

I applied at all the local schools and a few universities.  I immediately had an offer at Seiju High School that I was glad to accept.  It was strange that I ran into Yoshiyuki again, though not too strange.  He had transferred to the high school five years before, and it didn't take me too long to figure out why.  A plain but thick golden wedding band graced his finger, and he was behaving like a newlywed.

"Who is the lucky young woman, then?"  Even as I asked the question the answer came to me, but it was more from politeness that I had asked in the first place.

He ducked his head even as he grinned proudly.  "She's a former student.  I've known her for years really.  Here, I have the picture--"

He hovered, expectantly, while I looked.  I could feel how he hoped I both would and would not recognize her, unsure which he really wanted.  A phrase I'd heard years ago came to me then, that confession is good for the soul, and I knew he would like to have someone he saw as an equal know just how long those two had been in love.  He needed to know that he would not be judged by at least one peer.  Well, it was a situation I understood all too well.

"Yes, I remember her from ten years ago.  She's grown and changed quite a bit, but Rika-chan is still just as pretty as she was when she was in my homeroom."

He slumped a bit with obvious relief.  "I thought that you, of everyone around here, would understand.  I'm glad you weren't shocked."

I smiled, handing back the photograph.  I nodded, and I had to ask, "Why me, of everyone around here?"

The question made him uncomfortable again, but he answered.  "Rika told me, she heard from a friend of hers, that you were involved with--"

"I was.  It's over.  You've heard all the rumors then?"

"I don't know about all.  I've learned to try to not listen to them all."  He looked much wiser now for his experiences as he said that.  It made me wonder how I looked these days.  I probably just looked older and bitter.

We were friendly after that, but I never considered him a friend.  In fact, as I stayed in Tomoeda longer I came to realize that I had plenty of people to be friendly with, but no true friends.  I even ran into Touya a handful of times, but everything here was distant from the me I had become.  My memories were here, but it no longer felt like home.  I felt now like I had no home at all.

A year and a half passed before I accepted this revelation.  I was not necessary anymore.  I was simply part of the scenery.  It was a gray December morning when these thoughts came to a head.  In the mail, the day before, had come a proposal for me to teach in another country.  There was a feel of magic surrounding the possibility, though I could not tell if it was for good or for ill.

Still, it meant I would be part of something again.  That was another thing I could feel, another thing I could tell.  This was not the stirrings of destiny, but the pulling of another opportunity that may very well be my last at something so great and magical.  I thought about it for a very long time, weighing the possibilities.

Today is New Year's Eve.  I've set the entire day aside to sit and write and try to figure out where I have been and where I want to be.  I see where my thoughts keep returning, my subconscious trying to tell me where to seek guidance or advice or maybe just comfort.

Tonight I will see Touya.  I'm not sure yet if it will be the last time I see him.  I am poised on the edge of a decision, and many things will change depending on where I turn.  Is there any reason though, for me to stay?

I do not yet know.

 

_With a sigh, Kaho picked up the pages she had written.  It was so incomplete, this story of her life with Eriol.  She thought over some of the details she had left out, but decided that revising was useless.  The words that were there now had been written and recalled that way for a reason._

_She slipped the pages into an envelope and sighed.  It was the moment of truth.  What answers would she find from talking with Touya?  Would she stay?  Would she go?  Or would he even have the answer she needed?_

_The world danced on the edge and did not know it.  Kaho wavered like the wind._

_This isn't the end._


End file.
